Now then! Today a good friend of mine has used my “its good for your mental health to get outside” to guilt trip me into helping get his garden ready for the summer. Unbelievable!
The fact that we’ll rustle up some nice food and drink some nice wine afterwards has no bearing on my decision whatsoever! (as I’m writing this he text me to let me know he’s got two spatcocked chickens sitting in a Thai marinade. Awesome).
I was always a very social person and loved spending time with my friends. But over the last few months I have gone missing a bit, and I’m a very lucky man to have such a group of friends, who at times dropped everything going on in their lives to check in on me. At the time it felt like I was on suicide watch or something (and I was!) “just fuck off and leave me alone” yeah, that’s right, fuck off and leave me alone so I can sit in my darkened house with my very dark thoughts!
But at the time that’s what I wanted. You don’t see it that they’re there with you, beside you, even if it is simply sitting in silence, because they want you to be in their lives, because they want you to be in Moo’s life, because they want you to be……… alive. You – or I did, saw it as a negative – another reason on my pros and cons list about being dead (there was no cons) “I’m just a fucking burden on everyone’s lives, they’d just be better off without me and they can get on with theirs”
I’m better now (with the help of my medication no doubt) so I don’t get as many negative thoughts like that, but they do creep in from time to time and I go for my walks, read a book, listen to music, have a cry (for some reason a real sob can make you feel so much better) or ring/text a friend and talk, talk, and talk some more. And I don’t mean just talk about your mental health, talk about absolutely anything. If you’re lucky enough to have friends like mine, we can sit around and talk absolute bollocks for hours anyway. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love you all, you’re not my friends, you’re my family……….well maybe not you Wayne! x
Have a good day
Peace and love