Now then! As 90’s rock band Staind once sang ” It’s been a while” since I last posted, but I’m sat here at Harrison House after being asked to come in and speak to someone because my messages have been concerning people!
Are people’s concerns correct, should I be here speaking to someone? Too fucking right!
Over the past week or so I’d developed quite the bad habit of sitting on the edge of my bed and just sitting there being consumed by my thoughts, and yes those thoughts involved death.
Christmas! (Well, the Christmas period as a whole). November 1st and I’m already dreading the next month to the point of I wish I could just dissappear.
I’m so….. (at this point I got called through to go speak to somebody)….
It’s 3 days later now and I’m getting back to finishing this post. Has my mood changed? No! I’ve taken the step of declaring how I felt on twitter, I’ve spoken to people, I’ve tried my usual selfcare, I’ve had my Moo (hate when people say “what about your daughter?” Yeah, no shit! I don’t want to think like this, I don’t want to feel like this, so we start thinking there’s only one way not to.
Here’s something which us blokey blokes don’t like to say – I’m lonely. Very fucking lonely and this time of year is tough for lots of people as it’s pushed down our throats of all the joys and family times you can have.
A friend text me today asking if there’s anything she could do. My reply – Do you have a time machine?
If I could go back to the day before my split, I’d do it in a heartbeat. To have my family, my girls, my life back to how it was. Now I’m a 36-year-old, unemployed, single dad who lives with his parents… winner, winner, chicken dinner!
I normally try and finish a post off with a rallying call of we can beat this, we can recover, we are not our illness… but not today, I’ll leave you with this from Liam Neeson:
Everyone says love hurts, but that is not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love but in reality, love is the only thing in the world that covers up all the pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in the world that does not hurt.