Take The Time To Look Backwards

Now then! It’s been a while since I’ve posted but seen as today I’m attending Navigo Cares AGM and recently elected as one of there Community Representatives, thought I’d look back at what’s very nearly a year now since I left Harrison House.

During recovery we set a lot of goals for the future, never really looking back at what we’ve overcome (well I does anyways) looking back and thinking how I was and some seeing how I was – here’s a tough thing to do… self praise, urge! But I’m so fucking (sorry mum) proud!

I’m not gonna bore you with all the details over the year – It was a cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen…

No, like I said I won’t bore ya (well, try not to) but since leaving Harrison House (crisis accommodation) – moved in with my parents and I’m still there, thought it’d be 3 months max! (One of those stupid future goals!) That can be the thing with future goals too, if you don’t hit them it can have negative effects on your mental health.

Over the last year and a bit I’ve gone from wanting to be dead, trying to be dead, and on more than one occasion too! The trying has stopped but wanting comes and goes like a cunt! (Again, sorry mum but it is!)

I’ve hid away (at one point, think I didn’t really leave my room for a month, never mind the house) to standing in Grimsby Town Centre with Gary Pollard from the fantastic @MenTellHealth and the gazebo drumming up awareness for mens mental health and the Speak Easy I run on behalf of mentell at Riverhead Coffee, Grimsby (every first Thursday of the month).

It has been journey and I’ve definitely been “finding myself” so to speak, always been opened minded now I’m very open minded (trying not to say spiritual! Haha) but yes, I think the yoga/meditation/mindfulness has been not only fantastic for my mental health but the people I’ve met in the process too.

That’s another thing I’ve wrote previous posts about it – the peeps I’ve found through the twitter world have been a huge part of my recovery.

I’ve got so many things coming back to me thinking about where I’ve come from that I could go on for a long time on many different tangents so I’ll wrap this up.

Having said all that, unfortunately the best I can describe the last year and a bit and that is…hell. And that is why I’m at the Navigo Care AGM today and also why I wanted to become a Community Member (and more in the future). Like I said, I’ve been on a journey, I’ve found myself, I can’t and won’t sit by and let others feel how I felt, sitting in terrified silence because it’s taboo or frowned upon to feel like they do. It’s a fucking illness killing far to many people. It’s okay not to be okay. Lets make mental health a normal conversation/everyday question.

Take care all and thank you to everybody who has helped me over this time.

Peace and love


2 thoughts on “Take The Time To Look Backwards

    • Thank you, Nick
      It’s Matt but I’ve been called worse so we’ll not worry about that!
      I hope you’re doing well and if you ever need a chat my DM or emails are always open. Take care, take it easy and all the best
      Matt/Andy/whatever you wanna call me


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