Recovery 

Now then ! Myself and the fantastic @roach_az chavezanxiety  joined up and shared each others approach to recovery. Recovery is possible, it may take time and there will be set backs, even I have to remind myself that from time to time (with lots of help). Hope you enjoy, I could definitely relate to this…

What do you do when you have a set back during recovery? Well I guess that depends on how much of a setback we are talking about. I recently had a rather large setback to my recovery. So much so that I was/am having a hard time moving forward. I almost feel like I am back at the beginning again. I cant think straight and I want to give up. I am so mad at myself that I can’t stand being near me.
So how do I move forward? The first thing is I have to do is forgive myself . Period. Myself or anyone else reading this will not be able to move forward unless they accept their own apology. You have to forgive yourself. This is hard for me to do because I am the master of self loathing. I blame myself for everything and have a hard time letting stuff go. This of course of very self destructive and is a reason I am in a depression right now. Well mostly its my anxiety and panic but the depression is like the whip cream and cherry on top of my mental health sundae.
People often try and put a time table on recovery. It doesn’t work like that. The best you can do is try and get a little better each day. Even if the improvement is small, take that victory and celebrate it. Also realize that someday you will go backwards. Think of it like cancer, if its in remission its still there and can come back at any time. This is the concept that people have the hardest time with. Mental health doesn’t care that you have a timetable set up and want to be healed by September. Understanding this was hard for me and my family struggles with it to this day. The people closest to me watch me struggle with my good days and my bad. I worry that one day they will have to find me because I have given up or grown tired of the struggle.
That also leads into my last topic for this article. Recovery doesn’t get rid of the dark thoughts. They are still there, the enemy at the gate knocking to get in. Recovery just teaches you how to deal with those thoughts. I have them everyday, its a dark part of me that no one really knows. No one wants to talk about it because its uncomfortable. Well its uncomfortable to me as well, its my life I’m thinking of ending!

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