Now then. Regular readers (if there are any) will notice it’s 2 blogs posted today. The first one was 5 days ago and boy was it a bad day. But my editor-in-cheif has been poorly so it’s got posted today along with this one.
And this one is a lot more positive.
Yesterday I was at the wedding of the wonderful Mr & Mrs Fuller and was shitting myself with it being where I got married and my first family occasion since ‘coming out’ about my depression. As soon as I stepped in the place I walked out. I could feel ‘it’ building up and then when the photos were taken exactly where mine were I walked off again. Just brief little mindfulness walks to help me attack ‘it’. Now I was a little naughty about this and didn’t talk to anyone about it because it was a wedding and wanted people to have a good time.
But all that worry and anxiety that’s been hovering over me for the last few days was pointless (as it normally is) because this was a family occasion and there I was worried what they’ll think of me but that’s the beauty of family, we might not see each other for years and as I said last night, we might be shit at times but we’ve all got our own lives going on but when you meet up it’s instantly back to chatting and laughing like always.
I exchanged numbers with some of ya and I write this now so you don’t think it’s a drunken “yeah yeah (hic) we’ll (hic) definitely open that bar together (hic)”
I’ve felt shit for a long time and proper, proper shit for albeit a shorter time but still a long time and even after a day on the pop I woke up feeling fantastic this morning (that’s right, on Tuesday I didn’t want to be here and now my drive has gone up again! (The fucking human brain, eh).
Like I just said, my drive is so high not just the drive to help spread to word that it’s ok not to be ok, but my own personal drive for mine and Moo’s life. And for me that’s surround yourself with kind hearted, truly real people you don’t give a flip about what you tried to do but do give a flip (mum bought me a swear jar!) about you.
So this little wannabe hippy is telling all my family and friends take full advantage of me! Because how I feel right now is how I want to feel for the rest of my (hopefully long) life and I will meet up for that coffee, I will pop for that pint, I will help ya with any manual labour chores, and I’ll always be a shoulder to cry on or a ear that’ll listen. If you’ve just read this text a friend or family member meet up, have a chat, have a laugh, damn it even have a cry. It feels so fucking good (money in jar).
Have a good bank holiday weekend everybody and keep kicking arse.