Well, as the title suggests and best to be honest “I’m not ok”.
There I said it. Done. Dusted. Ripped off like a plaster.
Now, where the problem arises is that with my saying I’m not ok and letting you all know is…. yes, you’ve guessed it, our good (nobhead) old friend, Stigma.
Now a big one is – is this a cry for help/attention ? Fuck no it isn’t! I wish I didn’t have to tell one person that I’m not doing ‘ok’ never mind for anyone reading this.
But I share this because those who suffer in silence could end up doing stupid things. And I’m not gonna be stupid!
Another Stigma which pops its ugly little head up is – how do you react/treat/talk to me?
Pssst, here’s a little hint (that works for me) treat me as normal. Yes, in the past there would have been some serious stressors that would have sent me on one but at this stage of recovery I’ve built up my Arsenal (#wengerout) of tools and we attack it. I used mindfulness before writing this (you knows it!). I’m telling you so we’re off to a good start in this particular battle.
I was even that bothered about telling y’all I was not even going to send it to my anonymous editor Dr. John Laurence Perry (thanks for all your help, Per. Not only for fantastic editorial skills (gotta keep him sweet) but through all of it from the very beginning x) just so I could suffer in silence and feel like shit a bit longer – ridiculous ain’t it?! I’m scared to tell people I’m not on great form at the minute, I may be putting on a brave face, but yeah I’m not ok. But like I have said before – it’s ok not to be ok….. ok! Others who suffer in silence have gone on to hurt themselves. What else do I preach – Talk, talk and talk some more… so I’m talking, well I’m babbling really.
So on that note I’ll get on with getting on, I’ve got a lot going on too – I’ve totally ignored the last episode of Iron Fist and it’s late enough as it is but I’ll have to watch it before going to sleep ! (What’s the betting I fell asleep 2 minutes in?!).
Why will I fall asleep? Not only because it’s stupid o’clock and I’m really not looking forward to the Moo alarm going off in the morning. We all love our kids to bits obviously but we sure all have that day when you just wanna lay there for a bit (I hope it’s not just me!) but I’ll fall asleep because I’ve told somebody…. well, everybody.
And this current moment I look forward to posting this (it’ll turn to dread yet, don’t you worry about that!).
Ah, brains; they’re fucking interesting ain’t they?! Mine knows just how to set me off whenever it wants but I’m still Matt. Still the same old douche bag so I don’t want anyone to be afraid of setting me off by talking to me. You won’t be able to say anything worse than that fucking brain of mine already does!
We do this for the silent. I know it’s hard but you know the drill if you’re a regular reader – we get up, we keep going, we keep kicking arse (ah, there’s that fucking dread).
I’ve got this, we’ve got this – watch ya back Dread, you’re my current target!
Have a good day everybody
Peace and love (hope I don’t bottle sharing this)