Now then! On this monumental day of Brexit, lets talk about a subject I’ve been afraid to face – break ups, and yes, shock horror, I was a remainer (bit like my marriage really!).
But what do people who tried to kill themselves over divorce do when it comes to wanting to court (love that word) again? Well, I’m gonna try and explain and help with what helped me to come to terms with this.
If you’ve been a regular reader you may well have guessed some shit is going down for me at the minute, and yes, it’s thrown me but also it’s helped me.
Now I know its a heavy subject for a blog and some people may feel uncomfortable reading and talking about it, but……………….death!
I know, I know, the subject is called Courting and I’m mentioning death but bear with me.
I’m not going into details because I do still care for the certain young lady, but thats it now, care. When we split (my call), I went one way with dealing with it and young lady went another. I’d like to think that we both mdmistakes and there’s nothing to be ashamed of with the decisions we made.
But the break up hit me and it hit me hard. We’ve all been through break ups and I wish it was just a break up – been there, done that, didn’t want to kill myself. This was a divorce from the first girl I truly, truly loved and in divorce, your contact with your children disappears too (I have access but who the fuck wants ‘access’) and I’d never done that before.
The young lady moved on and that meant some douche bag in Moos life. This nearly finished me! (what if she was a Spurs fan? Unacceptable!) But seriously. I didn’t like it one bit and didn’t want to go on with life because I felt like I’d been replaced………. of course I had not.
Now I’m gonna get more honest than I already have been and tell you this; the thought of missing out on everything I’d dreamed of, first everythings for moo, words, school, days out, family holidays, birthdays, boyfreinds, christmas… everything, I even thought “that cunt’s gonna be giving her away if she gets married” (don’t). I thought this coz she moved on so fast it must have truly meant something and they’ll be together forever, and that’s what I wanted. Maybe it was her way of dealing with it? (better than killing yourself I guess (again, don’t)). The young lady just moving on and not wanting to fight the fight that is marriage with me, led me to a bridge and a belt round my neck (separate incidents).
So, how does all this affect me and others, who try said things, when it comes to courting?
Well I guess you’ve got to be ready for a start! That’s right, lock up your daughters or your mothers – to the younger reader!………I’m ready!
Now, this is where the problems start. I have a match.com profile but what am I meant to put?
Hi there, I’m Matt, I’m 35. I like snuggling by roaring fires, walks on the beach, writing ‘I love you’ in the steamy mirror, saving mistreated puppies, giving to charity. Oh and at the end of my last relationship I wanted to kill myself lol (smiley face).
Now I’m on Facebook but only as a aid to spread the word (still think it messes with far to many peoples heads, including mine). I’m getting more and more active on twitter so they’ll be no hiding the fact – who whats to date a 35 old divorcee with a young child who currently lives with his parents and is very open on social media about his battles with depression! Well thats what I think anyways.
This aint no ‘aww feel pity for me someone’ post; it’s a ‘what the fuck do I do now?’ post.
How do I approach it? What should I do with my match.com profile?
Yes, I am kinda asking for help and advice on this, so please say something if you’d like!
Hell, I’ll start my own site! wishyoudratherbedeadthanonmatch.com! I know I approach a lot of this with humour but who doesn’t want to find that someone to share this fucking hard work at times, but ultimately wonderful life with?
Right now a lot of positive things are happening to me, you might even see change in me! So I’m going to continue riding this wave and as I’ll keep emphasising (and I need to for myself too), I wont give up – I’ll keep fighting till the silent join me and I’ll cross the courting bridge when it happens.
Have a good day everybody
Peace and love