A loved one

Let me begin with – you’re fucking fantastic, one of the best, ney, the best, experiences to happen in my life! We’ve had some good times, we’ve had some bad times (but very many mostly good times) but recently somethings missing and you can feel that too. We’ve been spending WAY too much time together and it’s becoming unhealthy. I love your smarts, your looks, the way you’re not scared to say what you feel. We’ve been together for 11 years but it seems like we’re going round in circles. I’m sorry to say but I think you’re holding me back; you make me stay in, curled up on the sofa just gorming at the goggle-box. I just sit there staring not really paying attention when I could be using my time so much more productively. I’m sorry to say but I think we should start seeing other people, you deserve someone who can give you their full attention and laugh at all your smart jokes. So it pains me to say, Its Always Sunny In Philadelphia, I’m breaking up with you. It may be be cheeky to say but I hope we can still be friends and meet up from time to time xxx 

Now let me explain!!!

 

To start with, yes, I love the programme Its Always Sunny In Philadelphia, more than any other programme……………ever! and I only recently discovered it during my very darkest times and it took me away to a ‘happy place’. It’s just so well written and hilarious………but during the last 2 days, with the aid of being ill (let’s just say I wasn’t replacing my fluids with Lucozade), I’ve sat at my mate’s house, while sleeping on his sofa for the nights just watching it and going to my ‘dark place’. Now, this is not good is it?!

Here I am telling people to talk, talk and talk some more and I resorted to sitting alone having the occasional cry, not eating, not sleeping (but not thinking too dark, may I add and texted a couple of friends), and feeling like shit. I know the signs and it still happened! I’m sorry to use the word, but crazy ain’t it?! I know, and I tell people to talk about when you’re down but I couldn’t do it when it happened to me (my parents noticed!). I’m freaking out a little about returning to work on Monday, and I’ve worked there 10yrs+, and having all my regular clients asking where I’ve been for 5 months! “Oh, you know, I wanted to kill myself” client “ooookkkay” while quickly going on their way (that’s what’s in my head anyway).

So I thought (had a big sigh first of course) “what the fuck are you doing this for Smith?” Luckily the old man text and needed help with something in the garden, so I went and helped him with that, showered and changed, popped to Aldi with me mam (cooking up a storm for said sofa mate) then got to his house and tidied up, started writing this (it’s like a twitter troll; easier behind a keyboard) and guess what?

I feel so much better. I’m quite proud it only lasted 2 days to be honest with you!

Have a good day everybody 

Peace and love

One thought on “A loved one

  1. Within a couple of hours at work it will be like you have never been away and those who know you won’t judge you they will just be glad you are well enough to return. Small steps remember, and talk talk and talk some more. You can do this .

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