Alphas ! 

Now then! Tonight, I play football for the first time since, well – “well… for a long time”.  And I’ve been giving my teammates the excuse that I’ve got a dodgy hip, and I have, but I could easily play and it’d hurt for a couple of days afterwards. I also tell my parents that I go and watch, but I don’t. I sit at my mates house watching Its Always Sunny In Philadelphia for the umpteenth time until they all come back for the after match analysis – usually turns out that the other team was just better!

And why do I do this ? Well it’s because of those wonderful creature’s……….. the alpha male!

Since leaving college I’ve done engineering, labouring, factory work, and now work in a warehouse – mostly male dominated areas. I can handle myself with a bit o’way, bit a’whoa “you fucking cunt”  you know, light hearted stuff. But when it comes to mental issues and people who I perceive to be alpha male, I’m straight up terrified and a lot of guys who play football fit this type.

I don’t know who knows what about my situation and it’s not only alphas. Right now I’m better than I was. I was scared to leave my room, never mind the house, but I’m right scared of alphas and the fear at football of a player recognising me and him knowing someone, who knows someone, who knows someone, who knows someone and being “see that geeky guy in the glasses, he tried to kill himself the pussy, why doesn’t he just man up?”. Or “I bet he’s just doing it for attention”.
Stigma and stigmas go hand in hand with depression and it can be these that stop that person reaching out and talking, talking, and talking some more.
Now I’m a bit of a liberal leftie but I can also be rather un-pc and I’d take a joke aimed at me about mental health if it was well… funny, but too many people suffer in silence out there and it’s words and phrases that get thrown out there that can affect that person who hasn’t told anybody yet. I’m not saying they all go home and kill themselves but if, and it most probably has, just one person has, then that’s enough for what are, supposed to be, throwaway comments for most people but can change numerous peoples lives if them comments hit that 1 wrong person. 

I know what you’ve been thinking and yes, my Oobiloobie ( yes, that’s our team name ! ) team mates will be delighted to have their ‘ Jan Molby ‘ back 

 Have a good day

Peace and love

And please if you read this and are having trouble speaking to someone close to you or face to face leave a message, we’ll chuck the kettle on and have a brew and a chat online x 

One thought on “Alphas ! 

  1. Well, ‘jan’ you are making big strides ( bet you take some catching tonight :-)) in your efforts to highlight what I suspect is a very ‘taboo’ subject that people probably dare not talk about and choose to suffer in their own silence.
    Thanks for being there if someone just needs to talk to you over a brew, I wish you well.

    Liked by 1 person

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